Back to Work After an Extended Maternity Leave – A NON-Legal Guide (Part II)

When our daughter was born, I remember constantly telling myself that I just needed to reach the next milestone before I could finally relax.

• Just until her umbilical cord stump falls off.

• Just until she starts gaining weight.

• Just until the colic is over.

• Just until her first tooth comes through.

• Just until we begin weaning.

• Just until she starts walking.

• Just until she starts talking.

• Just until she starts nursery.

• Just until she sleeps through the night.

• Just until she stops getting ill.

• And then...

• another "just until...".

At the time, each of those milestones felt impossibly far away. Almost unreachable.

My daily routine often felt repetitive and, if I'm honest, sometimes even a little grey.

I often found myself comparing our journey with other families, convincing myself that this milestone - or that one - would never come for our daughter.

And then it would. But by then, I had already armed myself with the next "just until...". In a strange way, it helped. It gave me a sense of progress.

A feeling that I was coping. That perhaps I, too, belonged among those mothers who seemed to have earned an imaginary gold star in the invisible book of successful parents.

• Was it necessary?

• Probably not.

• Will we ever completely stop doing it?

• Probably not.

• So why am I telling you all this?

Because no matter how many "just until..." moments we've already reached, returning to work is still a challenge. And somehow, the "right time" rarely feels like it ever truly arrives.

Returning to work after maternity leave is one of those topics that often attracts plenty of opinions, finger-pointing, and a surprising lack of empathy or support for a family's decision.

And yes - a family's decision. Because, in the end of the day, it affects everyone. If a mother makes a less conventional choice—returning to work earlier than expected, perhaps when her baby is between six and fourteen months old, or much later after being away from the professional world for six years or more—the judgement often becomes even stronger.

Suddenly, everyone seems to have an opinion. And plenty of advice to offer.

But is that really what we need?

How can a mother truly hear her own thoughts and understand what she wants, when her inner compass is constantly being pulled in one direction or another by society, friends, acquaintances, and sometimes even the people closest to her?

Creating the space for someone to hear their own thoughts - and supporting them as they discover their own answers - is exactly what drew me to the ICF coaching methodology and ultimately became my personal mission.

In the following paragraphs, I'd like to share a few simple ideas that may help you begin reflecting on this transition, especially if you're trying to rediscover yourself after a long break from the professional world.

Out of curiosity, I recently asked AI what a mother should do if she wants to add a professional role alongside caring for her family and children. As always, it was remarkably helpful. It suggested thirteen different steps: take a strengths assessment, update your CV, plan your time, speak with your employer, make time for yourself, and so on. We all know these tips, but there something that we need to do and no AI can do it for us.

If you're already thinking:

• "I know all of that."

• "What I'm really worried about is whether I'll cope."

• "What if my skills are no longer relevant?"

• "Should I retrain?"

• "How will I leave my child at nursery?"

• "What should I study?"

• "What kind of job do I actually want?"

• "What if I have to return to the same toxic workplace I left behind?"

I have some good knews for you - you are not alone.

If that sounds familiar, I hope the practical ideas in this article will help you approach this transition with a little more confidence, clarity, and self-belief.

1. What Do I Really Want—and Why?

This is often the most challenging step, and it's where I spend a significant part of my coaching sessions with clients.

If you're looking for something that's quick, free, and easy to try on your own, here's what I'd suggest. Take a sheet of paper and a pen.

Yes - a pen and paper, not your phone or tablet. Research shows that writing by hand activates different thinking processes and encourages deeper reflection.

Now write down between three and eight professional dreams or career possibilities.

Don't worry about whether they seem realistic or achievable. Simply write them down. Once you've finished, step back and look at the whole picture.

• What do you notice?

• How does each option make you feel?

• Which one inspires you—even just a little more than the others?

During coaching sessions, we explore this vision in much greater depth, but I believe this simple exercise can help you begin thinking in a new direction.

2. Rebuilding Your Confidence

As I mentioned in my previous article, it often takes around six months for mothers to adjust to their new life as working mums. When you've been away from the professional world for several years, it's perfectly natural to wonder:

• Will I be able to do this?

• Is there any point in trying?

• Do I even want this change?

Very often, these fears are simply your brain doing what it's designed to do—protecting you from uncertainty. It sends messages such as:

• "You can't do this."

• "There's no point."

• "You're going to fail."

If these thoughts sound familiar, I'd encourage you to begin with something very simple.

Take a moment to remember just one achievement you're genuinely proud of.

I'm certain there are many. Sometimes those memories simply need to be brought back into focus. So, how do you build confidence? The answer is different for every client because coaching isn't about giving answers - it's about helping people discover their own.

However I can help you with a tip.

Confidence doesn't arrive as a gift. It grows over time.

You might choose to work with a coach or psychologist. You may decide to develop new skills through learning. Or perhaps you'd benefit from finding a mentor.

Whatever path you choose, remember that confidence is built through consistent effort and patience with yourself.

3. Discover Your Strengths

1. As we saw earlier, AI suggested taking a strengths assessment. As someone who's spent many years working in learning, professional development, and career coaching, I'd recommend two platforms that can help you understand yourself a little better and identify your natural strengths.

   1. Free: 16Personalities. Available in multiple languages, including Bulgarian, this assessment is inspired by the well-known Myers-Briggs personality framework. In just a few minutes, you'll gain a better understanding of your personality and the types of careers that may suit you. If you're curious to learn more, you'll also find plenty of additional information online.

   2. Paid: CliftonStrengths This is an exceptionally well-designed strengths assessment that helps identify your greatest talents and the areas where you're most likely to thrive.

I'd recommend investing in it only if you already have a clear idea of how you'll use the insights it provides.

As useful as personality and strengths assessments can be, they don't create change on their own - at least not until you're ready to act on what they reveal.

Before spending money on assessments, courses, or certifications, take some time to think about your goals and what you truly hope to achieve.

4. Guilt—How Can We Cope With It?

The longer we stay in one routine, the more it begins to feel like our safe place.

When we're preparing to take on the additional role of being a working mum, another challenge often appears alongside all the existing fears.

Guilt. That familiar inner voice saying:

• "I'm letting my family down so I can pursue something I'm not even sure I'll succeed at."

When guilt takes over, even the best personality tests or well-meaning advice from friends often isn't enough.

We begin wondering whether it's worth making a change at all. And sometimes, we simply leave the decision to time and circumstance. If, deep down, you feel it's time for a change, don't be afraid to ask for support. If, on the other hand, you know that your family is your priority right now, that's a wonderful choice too. There isn't a single "right" answer.

And if you find yourself unable to decide, feeling stuck while waiting for the "perfect" decision to appear, don't hesitate to seek help. That support might come from someone in your HR team. It could be a parenting support group.

If you choose professional support, I'd encourage you to look for someone with recognised qualifications, certifications, and professional accreditation, so you can feel confident you're receiving high-quality guidance.

5. Make Time for Yourself and Your Emotions

Finally, whatever you decide to do next, don't forget to set aside at least a few minutes each day just for yourself.

Five minutes is enough.

• You could try a short guided meditation.

• If meditation isn't your thing, there are countless breathing exercises online that can help calm your nervous system.

• And if you're anything like me - and all those techniques feel more stressful than relaxing - simply close your eyes. Picture something that makes you smile.

• Take a few slow breaths. One minute. Thirty seconds. Whatever feels right.

Only then ask yourself the practical question:

Where do I want to go from here?

Final Thoughts

Whatever choices you make, you already have the strength, knowledge, skills, and potential to create a meaningful future for yourself and your family. You're doing the very best you can with the circumstances you have. Within parenting communities, you'll hear countless opinions.Some people believe mothers should return to work as early as possible.

Others believe they should stay home for as long as they can. But how much do those arguments really help? Perhaps not at all.Wouldn't it be better if we supported one another instead?

Imagine if we helped each other the same way one mother instinctively helps another when a child falls over at the playground. Let's offer one another a helping hand.

And if you'd like support with your own return-to-work journey, I'd be delighted to help.

I offer a complimentary introductory coaching session to every mum—because life feels a little easier when we don't have to do it alone.

#workingmama #backtowork #confidence